Exactly. I’m at the point where I don’t even want to have to have the discussions, because they’ll be continuous and unproductive.
Which is why, oddly enough, I’d like to find some fancy power user software that lets me solve the problem. 
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Yeah, I’m thinking I could use folder actions. Dump stuff in “Calendar (To Be Processed)”, then have a folder action to run a PHP script or something to strip the organizer and open the calendar file.
That seems like an awful lot of work though for something that I’d think should be do-able in the calendar software.
100% agree with you there!
The best I’ve come up with so far is a Keyboard Maestro macro a la @onepointzero / @waylan for BusyCal:
Highlight the event I want to be editable, and make sure any RSVPs have been set
Copy the event
Hide the event
Paste the event
BusyCal helpfully strips out the recipient list in the process, so now it’s an “orphan” event that I can mess with at will.
I’m still playing with iCloud / Fastmail / Google to see if I can make something else work, but no luck yet.
I threw together a quick little python script which modifies an ics file using the icalendar library. Its not really usable as-is as it is only the function that does the modifications. The function still needs to be passed the input and output files and provided with the new event names. If I was using this, I would probably set it up to accept input from stdin and then it would be easier to integrate into an automation.
I’m posting it to point out that regardless if what language you are using/comfortable with, there should be an existing library which can parse and modify ics files. No need to go digging into it yourself. That said, it became more complicated than I originally expected because a single ics file can contain more than one event and the file format is built around that. Therefore, a script can’t assume a single event, which adds complexity.
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Rather than a second event how about using a reminder scheduled one minute earlier than the event as a note? I can do this on my Google Calendar and I seem to recall Busy Cal has the same ability.
In fact @geoffaire 's suggestion of a second event might work if you schedule it just prior to an event with a duration just long enough to display the information you prefer.
An ICS file is a text file with a different file extension. So, you can definitely open it with BBEdit, change the name, and then open it in your calendar app of choice—you’ll just have to understand the ICS “language” first (which isn’t too bad, it’s fairly simple, though the specification is pretty wordy).
You’d need to edit the line that starts with SUMMARY=.
FWIW I had a boss once who simply ignored/deleted/declined all calendar entries and email if the subject line did not follow a very strict protocol including capitalisation and colour coding.
He explained it was because he was dyslexic and he didn’t want to waste time trying to decipher what was important.
Everyone adhered in general and I had never seen such a nice structured inbox and calendar. It was bliss.
I am not that extreme, but I am known for my expectations (email subjects, appointments,…). And I luckily have the leverage to enforce it. So the “Re: Re: Re. Problem” emails and “Meeting/Location: Meeting room” are a thing of the past.
And I honestly believe that it’s a matter of proper behavior to send out meaningful subjects and invitations. Why shoould I dump invitations with no proper description and location into somebody’s calender, to linger along with 30 other invitations. What if all are called “Meeting”? 
I expect: a descriptive title, inputs/preparations in the description, and a precise location. It shouldn’t re the recipient’s work to figure it out and put work into reformatting it.
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I’m not going to try to fight this battle with the volunteer organizations I work with; I know these people and it is not within their skill set to do a better job on this. At least, not without a lot of reminding and hand-holding on my part. However, if I were getting this on a weekly basis, I would probably change my mind! Also, I find that most people are shockingly blasé about calendar hygiene, and don’t care if looks like a mess.
I looked into various methods, and all of them seemed like they were either a lot of work or fraught with other problems (brittle solutions, using Google, etc.) So I just duplicate the event, rename it, and throw the invite on a calendar that I never have turned on to view. Fast and simple and reliable Because the original is preserved, I can always go back and look at it to confirm what was sent. (I’m not going to keep lots of “calendar.ics” files around.)
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I tend to think it’s within their skillset, but just that it’s not sane to expect them to burn the time doing it given that they’re volunteers donating their time.
One of the biggest lessons I learned a few years back as a leader in a volunteer organization was wait to put everything in one email. Lots of people send “this is the date for this event”, then “this is the cost for the event”, then “this is where you park for the event”, then “this is where you register for the event”, then “this is the agenda for the event”, etc.
If I know I’ll have it all in the next day or two, I generally try to just wait and put it all in one email. I call it “gift wrapping”. Basically, when the person goes looking for the info, they’re looking for one comprehensive thing rather than a dozen little one-off communications.
That, and writing email with the idea that people will stop reading midway through. If I have three points to make, I try use subheads and put the one that I want to make sure they read first.
More broadly, this is a pet peeve of mine. The way .ics files work now, even with bc are fully crafted names, it’s very likely that someone has a calendar event like own name / other name meeting
If the organizer is nice, they’ll put the other person/organization’s name first. But most people are thinking about their own calendar, not other people’s
I wish calendar apps offered two fields: Title for my own calendar, and title for any invitees – at least as an option.
It wouldn’t work for shared calendars, but it would for .ics files