Agreeing 100% with @WayneG. Your set of specs seems like a Hard Problem, even for somebody who knows what they’re doing.
Out of curiosity, what’s the underlying reason you’re trying to avoid iCloud, Dropbox, etc.?
I don’t feel I’m too far out on a limb when I say that the first is going to be outright impossible, and the second is going to be unlikely. Either way, those specs are at odds with one another.
“Set and forget” solutions for complex problems typically come from vendors that charge recurring fees. In return you (usually) get a more “done for you” solution with less admin load.
Danger, danger Will Robinson!.
I learn a lot from Internet tutorials, don’t get me wrong. But if you’re non-technical you’re taking the word of (essentially) random people on the Internet without having any ability to sanity-check the responses you’re getting.
That’s great for solving problems with your home computer.
But punching holes in firewalls for services, setting up remote access, etc. are the sorts of things you want to either have a trusted software vendor / professional for (i.e. “somebody you pay”), or have a pretty good idea what you’re doing - at least if you care about your data / network security. And it seems like you do, otherwise you wouldn’t be talking about encryption both at rest and in transit.
If you just need streaming (something like Plex) and personal cloud that’s world-accessible, you could do a lot worse than to see whether or not Synology Drive and Plex running on the Synology would fit most of your needs. Odds are good the fine folks at Synology have thought through security pretty well - and they have a strong incentive to push out updates when they discover problems.
Again though, curious why you’re wanting to avoid the cloud providers. Cost? Security? Backup issues? … ?