As I’ve mentioned here in the past, I somehow fell into doing remote tech support for a very-non-tech-savvy elderly relative who lives several time-zones away.
Over the past half-year I am averaging over 4 hours per month of support time: 15 minutes here, 30 minutes there, and every once in a while an hour straight. These calls are affecting my real work (which is not tech support), and costing me about 1½-2 times the actual length of the calls in lost productivity.
I don’t feel like I’m in a position to simply refuse to help, but I can’t afford to keep losing so much time. The logical option seems to be to charge for my time, but it will be super awkward bringing up the topic of money under these circumstances. Do any other Mac Power Users charge their family members for support?
Can you not explain to your relative that whilst you are working you are not free to talk through their technical problems? Then you can allocates a time, which could be an hour a week, to deal with their problems. Could it be also that they are lonely and like talking? It could be hurtful to charge.
I don’t think I would ever charge a close family member for tech support. Especially when I worked in IT, but even now, I make it clear that if people need help, I’ll help them, but it needs to be at a time which works for me. If it became a constant thing like this is (4 hours a month!!!), I’d make it clear that I’m not their personal tech support, and they’d need to put something in place for themselves.
When I left IT I told those people I did help that as I would no longer be supporting Windows at work, I wouldn’t be able to continue supporting it outside work either, so if they needed help they’d have to get a Mac or iPhone. Gradually they’ve moved to Apple devices and I rarely get asked to help now.
There are still relatives with Windows PCs but they don’t have significant problems thankfully.
A big part of the problem is that nearly every support call is an “emergency”. Like, they are on the way to a medical appointment and need to print out some relevant paperwork right now and they forgot how to print, and also they forgot where the file is, and also they forgot which password they use to log into their AOL mail, and also what’s a passkey, and also they got a message about something related to their account being blocked but they don’t know which account or if the message was an email or a text and also…
This is compounded by the fact that we are time-shifted away from each other by several hours, so there is a narrow window when we are both able to work on the problem together.
Never charge. Once you do that you become responsible to a new level. It’s why even when friends or anyone offers I always said no. I also have learned to turn down the ability to help after a few times. I recommend places, from Genius Bar to Best Buy. Do what you have to to take care of yourself without being rude but once you take money it becomes a bigger issue.
Maybe the solation is to have a non-digital copy available for emergencies. It seems to me that anyone should be able to determine what types of information is likely to be needed in an emergency and have a safe place to file a physical copy for emergencies. I know personally, I like having all that stuff digital because I always have it with me in my pocket for instant access. However, if the person isn’t able to retrieve it without an hour phone call with you, then those benefits are lost on them. They need a solution which works for their situation. Help them find that solution, and then help them to implement it when there is no emergency and you are available to provide the help.
It wouldn’t be practical. There is too much information with too many changing variables.
I should add that there are memory issues at play here as well. This often leads to situations where physical items are misplaced – or worse – misunderstood.
Aww, there’s no way you can charge that kind of relative. You’re stuck! I would set up a recurring time to call her and field anything then. If the issues are often the same, maybe mail her some laminated sheets in big text with solutions. Look for an up-and-coming relative in tech to work into the mix.
I never charged for my time. And just be thankful you still have those generally older relatives. All of our parents/aunts/uncles are gone. (Now maybe my son, who lives across town, can do my tech support!)
I’m in a very fortunate position. I help my inlaws year-round with their tech issues. Backups, setups, how to’s. Just a few weeks ago I went through a bin of my mother in law’s old computers going back to 2003. I took files off them, put them on an external.
I would never charge for this. I’m just glad I can help out.
But every year at Christmas they insist on spending too much money on me as a “thank you” for my support throughout the year. It works out in the end. It helps fund my Apple addictions.
The leverage of helping being done as a favor needs to be restored somehow.
Right now, you are in the worst position - not paid and taken for granted.
I know any change of the status quo will be hard, but I would start with adding an artificial time delay in responding.
Get them used to not having immediate response and choosing more carefully when to ask for help.
We are all guilty, at times, of asking for help instead of taking a few minutes trying to find the answer ourselves.
When they express frustration, suggest that you can help them find a freelance or independent tech support person that lives closer to them or is more available they might want to try hiring.
Under no circumstances pivot to accepting any payment, even if they make the suggestion.
Sounds like you need to find a way to change the current status, but bringing up payment is probably not the way forward?
You can direct them to call Apple support. I had a relative who would call me for tech support and I eventually told them to call Apple support. Now the wife of this relative tells me he spends hours with Apple support instead of me. Those Apple support people are getting paid, so it’s a win win!
Elder care for someone is a tough situation for a family to handle when immediately nearby, let alone when done by yourself from a remote location. Search for elder care sites for advice on how to engage additional remote and perhaps even local help for your relative.
By reference … I had to face something equivalent some years ago for a parent. The eventual “costs” of the remote care given by any one person in the family unit was agreed by all associated family members to be set aside for dispersement as part of the estate settlement.
On the rare occasion I do tech support for people outside my home, I take payment in food or beverage. But I was likely going to be there anyway for a family gathering.
And by “rare” I mean next week will be the first time I’ve done it in at least a decade because I couldn’t get past Staples charging my father-in-law $80 to move his stuff from his old laptop to his new one.
I can relate to the timing and lack of time…I ended up doing two things…
The first was try to get a head of the problems. I started asking the day before and sometimes the week before what appointments they had coming up all during a time when I could be available. We would talk through what they needed for the appointment and get things ready. If they had to print things, we had a folder they would place them in and take it with them. At first, we had to do things the day before so they wouldn’t forget. Once they knew things were in the folder, we were able to move to weekly.
The second thing was to engage a couple other family members. We created a checklist so they could help them as well. This was the better solution as most of those family members lived closer to them. The checklists probably were part of the success.
It has been a tough balance at times. However, it did get better with planning and resources. I also think the additional calls helped them feel more confident and connected. Best wishes on balancing the time.
FWIW, I definitely would not charge. I would make a decision whether to continue as is as an expression of love to her. Or, use do not disturb for certain hours of the day (like work) when you would normally be unavailable to drop everything to assist her.
Thanks everyone for the feedback. The consensus is clear that I need to figure out a way to manage expectations and not charge for the service.
Interestingly, I posted the same question in a different forum and the responses there were not nearly as kind. I guess that’s just further proof that the Mac Power Users are the best people.
If she’s having that much trouble, she may need some system upgrades. It would be reasonable to insist on that, but if you or other relatives are in a position to help, that would be great.
To add another dimension, my brother-in-law has done and continues to do professional gardening work, decoration, construction and other household related work (this being his profession) for our parents-in-law. He is paid every time for this work. On the other hand, I’ve been managing and maintaining their computers and phones etc. for years. I don’t resent helping them, but do resent, somewhat, that my work, which is an extension of my professional life, isn’t treated in the same way, or valued beyond kind words. (He said through gritted teeth).
It helps fund my Apple addictions.