Save my marriage! No text alerts from wife 😫

This has been an ongoing issue for more than a year now - at some point I stopped getting alerts when my wife sends me a text message unless my phone screen is lit up. This also affects the Apple Watch, which is even set to always allow all notifications from Messages with sound and haptic alerts. If I’m actively using my phone, her txt alerts all come through and alert me as expected on both devices. For ages she thought I was just not paying attention but we recently tested side by side and found that it’s only happening when the phone screen is off. Which is unfortunately most of the time. She is ready to put me out of the house, and I don’t know what else I can do to fix this. Here is everything else I’ve checked:

  • Settings/Notifications/Messages - all on
  • Settings/Messages/Notifications - all on
  • Contacts/(wife)/Text Tone - defatut, with Emergency Bypass ON
  • Silent mode toggle on side of phone is set to OFF position (also tried with ON position, just to see what would happen - same behavior)
  • Focus mode - don’t have any set up
  • BOUGHT A NEW PHONE- upgraded from iPhone X to 13 Pro and even this did not resolve the issue

I’m not sure if this issue is affecting any of my other contacts because I don’t ever get urgent or time sensitive text messages from anyone else. I’m inclined to think it does though, as I occasionally will get texts in the middle of the night (I don’t use DND, at least not intentionally) but never wake up to text alerts and don’t realize I’ve gotten any new messages until morning.

Help me MPUs! What else can I try??

If you use Messages with iCloud, you could try (a) disabling iCloud Messages then re-enabling it and/or (b) signing out of iCloud and signing back in (you might already have tried both, of course).

If these are SMS text messages, the issue may be somewhere in how your phone service provider is set up

When you look at her name in your list of text messages, is this icon there?


No I do not, no icon visible.

Weird… I just went to try this and Messages was in fact the only service on the list that was toggled OFF. Might this be the issue?

1 Like

It’s likely and I hope so - give it a little while and see whether it helps

That’s the first thing I would try. When I’m at home I never use my iPhone and last week my iPad Pro stopped receiving Messages. Nothing had changed but I had to use (a) & (b) to get things running again.

“Sorry babe, I don’t get reception in this sex dungeon” ought to do it, no?

1 Like

My wife had the same problem with one of our children. The message would come through, but no alert was received. We muted, then unmuted the conversation, and for good measure turned off the device completely, waited a couple of minutes, and turned the device back on. Messages started to show alerts for now.

That could be the problem, though it should affect all notifications, not just from one person.

If signing in and out of iCloud doesn’t work, I’d try resetting Network Settings. In iOS 15 it’s in

Settings > General > Transfer or Reset iPhone > Reset > Reset Network Settings

This has helped me and a client when notifications weren’t making noise/alerting (on iPhone and Apple Watch) when the iPhone screen was locked.

1 Like