OK latest updates
Downloaded BusyCal and tried to bring it up. It came up but then said it didn’t support the publication onto the server and stopped the import.
Created a new Admin user, moved the backup to there and tried it. Same failure mode as on my main admin user, crashes whenever I move, add delete, duplicate, edit etc. an event.
Connected iPhone to mac, ran iTunes and synced. Got the latest down to the phone. That appears to be working as long as calendar is not up when I sync the phone. I don’t do wifi sync, only via cable.
On main mac bring up calendar and verify that everything is still there. Even the events that it crashes on when I created them or updated or copied are there in the main mac.
Created another backup. They are all time stamped so I have a running file of them.
Then, on a whim, decided to unpublish all my calendars. My husband is the only one who was planning on subscribing and he’s been busy with other stuff and hasn’t done it yet so nothing lost. Unpublish gives the warning that the data will be deleted off the server. At this point it us unlikely to get much worse so WTF. I first did a test on 1 calendar, unpublished it, then tried to duplicate and move, then edit and add events in that calendar. And it all worked!
So I quickly unpublished all 16 calendars and am making a backup now.
If that works I’ll run for a few days that way and then re-attempt the whole how to share calendars with my husband without using any 3rd party cloud services. Otherwise I’ll just keep what I am doing, he hands me his apts. on paper or tells me and I add them to my calendar and remind him of them. We’ve tried keeping 2 calendars but that never works as one or the other would book something at the same time.